Timmy Luvs Stoya - Not Cats

Stoya has a collection of golden tabby cats; the total number of which is currently unknown, but most likely higher than the amount that's generally considered a "safe level".  People who know me are aware that I'm not a fan of blonde pussies!  I don't really care much for cats either!

(Author's note:  Ok.  I know this was my worst blog-post yet, but this just goes to prove my point that CATS...ARE...NOT...FUNNY!  They are known as the "Vince Vaughns" of the animal kingdom!)

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Sexual Audience

In her book "Philosophy, Pussycats, & Porn", Stoya discusses how sexual senses are heightened when there are other people watching you having sex.  I'm starting to wonder if I could become a porn actor, because I had NO issues when I "did it" in front of my church congregation at last week's bingo-night!

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Favorite Place

Stoya often visits a place famously known for being a war-torn region; where most of the population struggles to survive daily and the weather is always dismal.  Still, for some strange reason, it holds a special place in Stoya's heart.  I think it's obvious that the place I'm talking about is New York City.

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - A Taste Of

I bought "A Taste of Stoya" on DVD, but I think I'm going to ask for a refund.  I licked the DVD and it tastes NOTHING like sexual sweat, cigarette butts, and/or catnip!

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Up And Coming

Stoya is now working with a bunch of up-and-coming performers, such as:  Veronica Vain, the Golden Glamazon, and Sovereign Syre.  Based on their names, I'm not sure if Stoya is still working in porn or if she's trying to assemble a team of superheroes...

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Perfect Beauty

The stunning Stoya is exactly what the classical painters envisioned when defining "perfect beauty".  Well, maybe not EXACTLY.  They might not have envisioned quite as big of a "bush"!

(Author's note: I wrote this joke a long time ago...back when Stoya still had a giant "bush"...so this used to be a lot funnier)

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Point of View

A new type of porn is POV (point-of-view), where it seems like you're actually with someone like Stoya.  I tried to cash-in on the craze, but my videos didn't sell.  Then I realized that I shouldn't do POV from the WOMAN'S perspective looking up at me while I make "orgasm faces"!

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Social Commentary

My favorite sex scene featuring Stoya is where she is "doing" two white males at once on a gold-colored couch.  I couldn't help but notice that it was a clever commentary on the socio-political injustices in our modern-day society.  I also couldn't help but shoot sperm all over my living-room!

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Genetic Makeup

Stoya's parents are from Serbia and Scotland.  How lucky for Stoya!  I just got my DNA results back from Ancestry.com and it appears I'm a direct descendant of the Australian Sasquatch and whatever the hell a "Teletubby" is supposed to be!!!

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Marilyn Manson

Some don't know that Stoya used to date Marilyn Manson.  One rumor for why they stopped dating is she didn't want to hang out with a guy who looked androgynous, wore makeup on camera, and gave children nightmares.  But if that was true, why did she THEN start dating James Deen?!?!

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Oysters

Fun fact: you can re-arrange the letters in Stoya to make "oysta".  Great!  Now I want oysters...in addition to Stoya's "oyster"!  I gotta stop skipping breakfast!

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Serbia

Serbia is a country that Stoya visits often.  I tried to surprise her by flying over to Serbia and meet her, but due to an typing error by my travel agent, I spent the next 6 weeks in SIBERIA where I was repeatedly raped by a polar bear (#MeTooPolarBear).  We are expecting our 1st child in June...

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Genetic Banana

If you haven't read "Philosophy, Pussycats, & Porn" by Stoya yet, then you probably won't understand this picture. But STOYA will know that my genetic experiments are already showing some promising results!!!

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - STD Testing

The porn industry does an amazing job of testing regularly for STDs and making sex safe as possible for actresses like Stoya.  This is SUCH a great idea, I think ALL of Hollywood should do regular STD testing.  Did you SEE the cast of "Sharknado 6"?!?!  Talk about a "cootie-fest"!

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Home Schooled

Unlike me, Stoya was home-schooled.  The only thing I ever "learned" at home was that the "swirlies" I received from the bullies at home were JUST as humiliating as the ones I received from the bullies at school...

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Sex Talk

Not all porn is visual.  Dirty sex-talk is an important part of eroticism.  I'll never forget the time that Stoya looked deep into Manuel Ferrara's eyes and said "Mamma Mia! Smack me in the face with that big ol' French tube-steak!!!"

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Breast Implants

I found out that Stoya has refused to get breast implants.  I think that's a very smart idea.  All of my t-shirts have been stretched out WAY too much ever since I decided to have MY implant surgery!

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Award Winning

The lovely and talented Stoya has won many awards, including "AVN's Best New Starlet 2009". The closest I ever came to winning anything like an award was the time when my high school voted me "Most Likely to Die in a Hot Dog Eating Contest"!

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Body Fluids

Without being too graphic, men in porn are judged by the amount of "bodily fluids" they produce.  As Stoya can confirm: the more fluids, the better (for example: Peter North).  Maybe I SHOULD be more graphic so that there is no confusion. This is NOT true if the male fluids are "tears"...

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Bonnie Rotten

I don't only enjoy watching Stoya in porn.  I'm also a fan of Bonnie Rotten, for instance.  But...can somebody PLEASE get that poor girl a "Depends Diaper"?!?! Nobody should be spraying that much liquid from their genital-area as she does!

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Around the World in 80 Ways

I'm a huge fan of the "Around the World in 80 Ways" series with Stoya.  But I still don't understand why they decided on Chernobyl as one of the locations to shoot a scene in...

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Poetic Beauty

There is a certain poetic beauty about Stoya. When I look at her pictures, I am reminded what the great poet Keats once wrote: "Boobies are good!!!". This was BEFORE he became famous, obviously...

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - James Deen

I know that Stoya probably doesn't want me to bring up the subject of "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named", but I personally think James Deen's "sausage" tastes terrible!  Also, it's what food companies refer to as "fun-sized"!

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Rocco Siffredi

Rocco Siffredi is an Italian porn actor who had sex with Stoya.  He is going for a world record as "the male with the longest acting career in porn".  He also is going for a world record for "the most times spitting on people without ANY of them asking what the hell he is doing?"!

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Medical Fact

Here is a fun sexual-medical fact that even Stoya may not know:  My jokes are the second leading cause of "vaginismus" amongst women!

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Bruises

In her new book "Philosophy, Pussycats, & Porn", Stoya talks about healing from her many bruises in one of the chapters.  I guess I'm going to have to wait for the sequel to be written, because I really want to find out why this girl is so dang clumsy!!!

She shouldn't feel too bad...I'm always injuring myself and I spend a large part of my day trying to keep my bandages on!

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Fighters DVDs

I bought the DVD of "Fighters" starring Stoya.  It came with 2 disks.  The first disk contained only the sex scenes and the second disk contained the entire rest of the movie WITHOUT any of the sex.  Guess which disk went straight into my trashcan?

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Porn Names

Porn actors use made-up names like Stoya.  Male actors sometimes use innuendo when it comes to names. But when I tried to get into the industry, I was told that "Harry McGiantPenis" showed a complete lack of imagination on my part!  Like "Tommy Gunn" is sooooo freaking clever?!?!

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Vaginal Fingering

Can someone explain the appeal of "aggressive vaginal fingering" to me?  This happens a lot in Stoya videos.  I can't imagine that it feels good to the woman and it looks like someone trying to frantically press the "close" button in an elevator when they see me approaching it!

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Guys We Fucked

It's a small world. I found out that Stoya and Krystyna from the "Guys We Fucked" podcast both slept with the same guy. They're not going to want to hear this, but that now makes all THREE of us!

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Sex Doll

I just purchased the Stoya sex-doll.  In order to make my sex with it seem even more like an "authentic" experience with the real Stoya, I ordered all of the available accessories: nipple-clamps, a pack of cigarettes, and (of course) 15 cats from a local animal shelter.

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Illustration

I'm hoping this illustration from the new book "Philosophy, Pussycats, & Porn" by Stoya is not an accurate depiction...otherwise, this guy probably should go see a doctor to make sure he is not suffering from a "broken dong" (and "yes", that IS an official medical term)!

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Ruined Porn

I have something in common with Stoya.  She supposedly "ruined" porn-watching for her father by entering the industry.  My MOTHER tells me that I ruin porn-watching for her by talking through the entire movie and constantly comparing my penis size to all of the actors'...

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Ederlezi Rising

Ederlezi Rising is a departure from the acting roles that Stoya normally has. Sure, she still has sex with some foreign guy, but this time...it's in SPACE!!!

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Concert Photo

I wonder if Stoya recognizes anyone from this concert I went to last month.  Also, I like to mess with "Where's Waldo" fans and make them think he is hidden somewhere in these pictures!

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Stripper Pole

I bought one of Stoya 's DVDs, and in the "extras" section, she gets upside-down on a stripper pole.  I asked my wife if she would do the same thing for me.  When she did, she slipped and fell, landed on her neck, and died.  I cannot thank Stoya enough...

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Literature Reading

I fell in love with Stoya the first time I saw the video of her reading literature whilest being sexually stimulated.  But, to be fair, she kinda stole "my bit" because I've been doing that at my family Thanksgiving get-togethers for years now!!!

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Making America Great Again

I think it's wonderful that Stoya is doing her part to "Make America Great Again". She obviously is very patriotic since you can see she is doing the Pledge of Allegiance in her profile picture!

And I'm standing at "full salute" with her!

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - My Poem

The lovely Stoya:  perfect in each way.
And so smart to ignore all the things that I say!
I send her my jokes and I wish her the best.
She's no clue who I am.  I'm just like the rest!
But I'd give it all up...my humor, my rhyme!
If I knew she had heard me...if only one time...

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - My Poem (First Attempt)

I was going to write a poem for Stoya, but I realized that nothing rhymes with "Stoya" except "Verne Troya"...and that's not very romantic, is it?!?!

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Philosophy, Pussycats, & Porn Review

This is my review of the new book "Philosophy, Pussycats, & Porn" by Stoya: It focuses a little more on the "philosophy" and "pussycats" than I was hoping for...but otherwise, it was a GREAT read!!! (Just kidding...it is chock FULL of "porn" too! Fooled you!)

P.S. I got so caught up in her book, I forgot to put on my pants until I reached the end...

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com

Timmy Luvs Stoya - Introduction

My name is Timmy.  This is my fan blog dedicated to the beautiful, artistic muse Stoya.  She is perfect in every way, with the one obvious exception being her irrational affection for cats.  Model turned porn actress turned writer turned entrepreneur turned ???  Can't wait to see what the next chapter for her will be, but no matter what changes, one thing will be certain:  Timmy Luvs Stoya!!!

http://TimmyLuvsStoya.blogspot.com